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Listening to Wisdom on this Side of Grief

Written by:
CK Kochis

Grief. It will break you, embrace you and will intensify everything.

On this side of grief...

...we discover our true essence on a deeper level.

Grieving is a personal experience that will force you to feel emotions on a deeper level than you thought possible. You will laugh harder than ever before, you will cry to the edge of your demise, and, odds are, everything you feel from this point forward will be more intensified.

These words literally wrote themselves as I composed the landing page for Aligning to Live Life in Motion 5-week course.

For those of you that have experienced the loss of a loved one, does that statement resonate with you? As I walk my journey experiencing the loss of a child, I am witnessing my emotions deepening, my vulnerability widening and my ability to sense the true essence of the people I encounter developing on a grander scale.

As a result, I am getting better at listening to my own advice. My impulsively, self-sabotaging ways dramatically declined once I began to open up and started talking to others on the topic of grief. There is a mutual exchange of compassion and support as we help each other walk this emotional path.

A powerful statement I find myself saying often is we intuitively teach what we need to learn.

On Friday, I spent time with one of my closest friends in the gift store where she worked side-by-side with her husband. We talked about how she was adjusting to his passing two weeks prior. It was during our heart-to-heart conversation I found myself sharing pearls of wisdom that I also needed to hear.

  • No one could have loved him more than you.
  • No one would have cared for him as you did.
  • Please don't fall into the rabbit-hole of shoulda-coulda-woulda's.
  • You did the best that you could with what you knew then, the emotions you felt in those moments and in the circumstances your relationship was at the time.
  • Feel what you feel. Do not stifle your tears.
  • You have an amazing support group, call them when you need to talk.

It is easy to fall down the rabbit-hole of shoulda-coulda-would's (I should have been a better mother/wife/friend... I could have done XYZ better... If only I would have know ABC... ...they would still be alive). I know. I still occasionally trip and fall down it.

This spring I reached the pivotal point when I decided it's time to live my life in motion and get out of the recliner. I turned my focus to the lessons I learned to become a certified Integrative Nutrition Health Coach and use as the foundation for ElementsForAHealthierLife.com (and the associated magazine). I evaluated my business (workplace), came out of hiding and started interacting with friends (relationships), started to be more active outside (body movement), began strengthening my connection with "spirit" (spirituality) and nourishing by precious body with healthier foods.

This is who I am - a coach. I have a natural gift of bringing comfort to those who seek it, wisdom to those willing to listen and guide those ready to transform their stagnant existence to that of living life in motion. I (we) intuitively teach what I (we) need to learn.

I am learning, just as you are, how to experience more joy and explore ways to love Self with a heart wide open on this side of grief. If your life journey has led you to experiencing the loss of a child, I invite you to explore Aligning to Live Life in Motion self-study course.

Our words have power. Our stories matter.

14 comments on “Listening to Wisdom on this Side of Grief”

  1. Learning to listen to our own advice and "walking the talk" has always been the hardest thing for me to do, but if I'm going to live in integrity, than I have to be my own best student. Holding space for you in my heart.

  2. Thank you for sharing such powerful words with us Cindy.
    Am so sorry for your loss and I know the grief of loosing a loved one. It took me 14 years before I could grief for my Father.
    It took a deeper toll on me than I thought. Like you I turned to a support group, where I learnt it was ok to cry and be vulnerable. I took a Spiritual journey as well to heal from within.
    Thank you for reminding me of all of this. Lifting you in prayers.

    1. My condolences on your father's passing. It's okay to feel (and grief) what you feel. There is an ebb and flow to grief. It may subside for a bit, and then return for a while; each experience different than the past. Exploring creative activities (like journalling, painting, ceramics, biking, hiking) gifted me an outlet for the wordless emotions I could not verbalize.

      Thank you for your supportive words and kindness. Historically speaking, I am the support person people turn to in their moments of grief (even with my son's passing). I have a natural gift of offering comfort and pearls of wisdom. I am in the process of creating a supportive environment to guide those in a state of grief to live their life in motion again. May I reach out to you when I get myself (and the programs) organized?

  3. You are truly being guided by the Divine. I know you will help many who are experiencing deep grief.

  4. Cindy you have managed to put into words what so many are unable to express. You're work is a blessing to all who are struggling to find their way.

    1. Oh, Kathleen.... Thank you for your wonderful, kind comment. If I can help at least one person understand that it's okay to feel the way they do, then I know they'll find peace.

  5. Thank you for this post. It is such an important topic, and one that is frequently not talked about. I have shared it with love. Many blessings on you as you walk one step at a time, and walk beside others.

    1. Grieving is an important topic. In a society were we are sold on the idea that life is suppose to be positive, fun and exciting (and to block ALL things negative) it creates unnecessary confusion for someone dealing with heartbreak and the loneliness death of a loved one creates. Too many individuals in the midst of grief feel they must hide their emotions, bury the pain and stifle the natural process of grieving.

      Thank you, Meghan, for sharing my story with others. May they find comfort and peace. Our words have power. Our stories matter.

  6. Thank you Cindy for putting into words that some of us are not sure how to express. I am hoping that your sessions will help me get myself going again. I feel some what better and not quite so far down the rabbit hole. Can't seem to get done the things I need to do, I have it in my head, but can't seem to put them into action. I know baby steps.I will keep trying.

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